Start Sharpening Your Communication Skills

Growing up, my dad was a used-car salesman. And no, not the smarmy kind pawning hoopties from a corner lot that everyone thinks of, but the kind that spent hours every day making phone calls and brokering business partnerships between dealerships across the country. That means that he was talking to people. A lot. And he was good at it. My father was charming and sincere and only dealt with people he knew to be reliable. Through listening and watching him work, I learned how to make people feel comfortable speaking with me. As an adult I realized what an important skill this is and that I already had some really solid building blocks for being a good communicator. It also became a skill that I intentionally wanted to develop and continue to improve upon.

Talking to people is like any other skill; it takes practice, and no one is ever good at it when they start. If you didn’t grow up with a parent who had to communicate for a living, I suggest becoming a bartender for a while. You will very quickly pick up the ability to talk to anyone and everyone who comes your way. However, if you’re happy in your career path and don’t want to switch to living off tips (not to mention working until 3am, yikes!), we’re about to cover some easy tips on how to improve your basic communication skills.

Communication is a huge aspect of everyone’s life. Whether it’s in your personal or professional life, good communicators can make a bigger impact and go farther. In his article about how to Communicate Like A Pro, Neil Gordon covers what is arguably the most important thing you need to understand to be able to effectively communicate: it isn’t about you. This can be a hard truth to accept and learn. When presenting material or trying to win a debate, it often feels like your information is the only thing that matters and you have to shove it down the other person’s throat in order to get your point across. This is a surefire way to have a bad conversation. Think about the last time you had an argument. Did you consider the other person’s perspective? Did you focus on your point of view and ignore their reasoning? If so, I’m going to guess that argument didn’t go well (even if you felt like you may have “won”).

A good communicator focuses on the needs of their audience, not what they think the audience needs to know. Next time you get into a spat, pause for a moment to listen. Listen to what needs of the other person aren’t being met and how you can address those. Don’t try to “win” or outtalk the other person. Instead try to remember that effective communication values the recipient instead of the sender. Imagine how much better a boring presentation would be if instead of just reading off of slides, the presenter asked what you wanted or needed out of the presentation and tailored it to that. If you felt like you were getting something valuable out of it, you would be a lot more likely to be engaged and absorb the material covered.

Most articles on how to communicate better, or how to charm people, or how to get people to like you all boil down to the same point: focus on others. This is a hard thing for most people to understand. When you’re having a conversation, why wouldn’t you want to talk about yourself and about all the things that are interesting and relevant to you? Unfortunately, that’s a very hard conversation to maintain and is probably better suited as a monologue. Think to the last conversation you had where someone talked only about themselves and seemed very uninterested in your input. Was that an enjoyable conversation? Would you go grab lunch with that person tomorrow? Probably not. We all like talking about ourselves and what we find interesting, but a good conversationalist is good at giving other people the floor. The best trick is to only offer up personal opinions/stories when you’re either directly asked or when it will add something to what the other person said. Try to imagine what might be interesting or relevant to them and use that as a talking point.

Something that is increasingly difficult in today’s world of constant distractions is giving the other person your full attention. Maintain eye contact and face them to demonstrate you’re listening. Put your phone away and turn away from or turn off the TV in the background. Having your arms crossed or turning your body away from the person are small ways you’re demonstrating you don’t care about what they’re saying enough to be fully engaged. Be open and mirror that openness with your body language. You’ll be amazed at how much better people respond to you. When you are given the floor to speak, make sure to address what they talked about, don’t just shift the subject. Be curious about what they have to say and ask follow-up questions. Be thoughtful and detailed about what you have to say, show that you’re being intentional with your words.

A great way to build relationships is to be helpful. Offer your help whenever you can, but only if you’re able to follow through. Don’t over-promise and under-deliver. Empty promises will only hurt your relationships. If you’re able to lend a hand, it means a lot. But if you say you’re going to and fall through it means even more and not in a good way. Helping others feels good and the exchange of giving and receiving help is a great way to build good bonds with other people. The key is to give help and do things for others without expecting anything in return. The only thing you should expect out of helping someone is to take pleasure in the act itself, not that they will eventually return the favor (although they are often more likely to).

Being able to communicate well with others can be simplified to one core concept and implemented in many ways. If you show the other person that it is about them, and not yourself, you will be able to talk to anyone and be able to communicate more efficiently and effectively. The concept of putting others before yourself is not new and yet it still can be challenging to implement. It is one of the best things you can do for your success in any conversation you have. The world needs better communicators, people who can put others first and consider what they need out of the conversation. To be able to do this, start small. You can’t improve your skills overnight, but you can improve with practice. With this skill in your toolbelt you’ll be amazed at how well you do in your next interview, argument, presentation, etc. With everything going on right now, it is more crucial than ever to be able to have productive and kind conversations.

Let’s talk! What other tips/techniques do you have for good communication? If you try this tip out, let us know how it goes!